A Secret...

I still like embarrassing music.  This was proven yesterday when one of my good friends encouraged me to buy a CD when we were at Bull Moose, since I had said that I liked it.  I am listening to said CD right now and totally singing along <3.

ARGH!!!  I WROTE SO MUCH AND IT DISAPPEARED!  I AM NOT WRITING IT ALL OVER AGAIN....

Because I'm a Spaz (<3)

Yeahh basically.  I've been SOO busy lately it's insane.  Thus why I haven't updated here for awhile (my other reason for not updating is...you guessed it...because I'm a spaz).  So yeah first I was a CIT at a camp (=DEATH).  Though some of the guys there were really nice and we stay in touch, but otherwise, yeah, not so fun.  And then my grandpa was in the hospital for two and a half weeks with heart surgery (don't worry, he's at home and getting better every day now).  So because of that I basically canceled my social life and was at the hospital/with my grandma like every day.  And then I went on vacation to DC/NYC.  And now I'm back and like in over my head with social plans.  Like, I have to be somewhere or whatever like every day this coming week.   Not to mention I'm canceling on one of my friends tomorrow because I need to hang out with some of my other friends as sort of a going-away-thing for a friend that's going to boarding school (I'm going to miss her like hell).  Today I hung out with one of my closest guy friends and we, being the spazzes that we are, watched like two episodes of Drake and Josh, and played the most pitiful game of basketball (PIG) ever.  And then we sunbathed.  And ran away from a garden snake (he RAN I walked very quickly).  Good times....      

Yeahh

I've been told that I need to update my blog, so I am now updating it.  So much has happened since the last time I updated my blog.  I got an iPod video; I'm a week away from finishing my job; I'm making a hardcore Hellboy mask in one of the classes I help out with; I've watched an insane number of chick flicks with guy friends (Legally Blonde, Legally Blonde II, Last Holiday); I've gone to PortCon with two friends; I've gotten addicted to various podcasts; I'm planning for my trip to NYC and DC; I've made new friends at my camp (even though I don't really like the camp at all); I've organized a picnic that was a huge success (14 people and an insane amount of food); I've gotten my belated birthday present from a friend whose original present was stolen by a music and money loving seagull; I've decided that I'm getting my hair cut short-enough-to-spike in the back (and regular bang-length in the front); I've accepted a challenge that involves making a list of 100 recommended books and then reading them; I'm teaching myself Japanese; I'm planning on going to a concert with Staind, Three Doors Down, and Hinder with a good guy friend and maybe one of my girl friends; I've cried at the ending of one book and one movie (I blame it on camp making me emotionally unstable), and so many other things....

Well Then.

So, I'm still sick.  I actually had to stay home from work, because I was coughing rather nastily this morning and was having trouble breathing.  So I spent the lovely day drained of energy, coughing and resting on the couch, while watching whatever good was on TV (mostly just Queer Eye for the Straight Guy re-runs on Bravo).  And this evening I bothered to turn on my computer to talk to people on AIM for a few minutes and check my mail.  Of course, like always, there's the latest drama and such that would usually demand me spending a good deal of time over-analyzing something.  Only, cold meds make my brain foggy, so I as a general rule of thumb avoid saying or doing anything that I might possibly regret while under the influence of the aforementioned meds.  So, the usually swearing and such is out of the question.  I think I will just sit here and decide whether or not I want to go to PortCon all four days, and whether I should humiliate myself by going with three or so equally geeky friends.  One of the new events this year is dance lessons and then a ballroom dance.  It sounds like so much fun, but I'm debating if it's worth the humiliation.  It would be lovely though-- like a masked ball, since most everyone will be in cosplay.  Speaking of which, I don't know who I want to dress up as.  Last year I did the Nana/Misa thing, but I don't know...Call me foolish, but I almost want to choose a scantily clad character (like Misa), as opposed to Haruhi, or one of the cool female characters.  Because, Haruhi and all characters like her wear suits.  And it's summer.  So I'm leaning towards the skanky mini-skirt-wearing Misa, just for the sake of comfort.  I'll ask my friends....

Bad Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you come dangerously close to totally snapping on someone and yell at them and say about a thousand things that you shouldn't say to them?  Has it ever happened with about three people in one day?  Yah well...*holds fingers close together* this close, this close.  Blahh and to top it off I'm still sick.  And now me and all of my friends are moderately mature and we're almost all working and none of our schedules match up.  And when they do match up (like last Wednesday) and I went to the movies with one of my friends I was so out of it from work, when I was buying my ticket I forgot what movie I was going to see. and I had to ask him!  Talk about embarrassing.... 

Bleh. Meh. Sick.

So, it's my first day off and I'm sick.  Yucky.  My throat feels like I swallowed sandpaper in my sleep.  Seriously.  And I have the chills so I have goosebumps and I'm all shivery.  And I babysit for four hours tonight, because I agreed this morning before I was really sick (or rather, before I admitted I was sick).  Grosssss.....

W.T.F.

I just has quite possibly the most awkward conversation on AIM ever.  This guy from the alternative high school in my city added me on Facebook, and sent me a message saying hi and whatever.  An acquaintance of mine from the school vouched for the guy, so when he IMed me I responded and we were having a perfectly cordial conversation...until he asked if I roleplayed.  I said yes, sometimes I did (we were talking about manga at the time, and I assumed he was talking about manga RPing, until he clarified he wasn't).  Essentially, he ended up asking me if I cybered.  Of course, I responded that I didn't (EW...stranger...NO).  And then he asked why and I explained why (hadn't even experienced such activities in real life, I didn't intend to soon, online and not in person=weird, I'm a prude, etc, etc.)  And yeah so he told me more awkward stuff and was like 'good for you you're a virgin-- I'm not', etc, etc.  And I was like 'why are you telling me this you don't even know me'.  And he's like 'you're nice and you're cute'.  And it continued to be awkward until I 'signed off' (I went invisible).  So yes I'm still freaked out and in 'EWW YUCKY' mode.   I am so mad at the acquaintance that said cybering boy was an 'alright guy'.  EW!

Inner Child, and School's Out

So, school was done on Tuesday.  I actually ended up being quite happy with my grades, and that was because I made sure I got an A in Gym.  In the end it ended up being surprisingly easy.  It wasn't about trying harder, showing effort, talking to him about my grade and how to improve it, or being on time for class.  In the end it was all about going into his office on the last day of school and NOT LEAVING until he said he'd change it.  He sent teachers and students that wanted to talk to him away because I was just standing there, waiting for him to actually listen to me.  I had to keep telling myself over and over again, "This is the last time he'll ever be my teacher; it's ok if I annoy him-- I won't have to talk to him ever again."  With this thought in mind, I stayed in his office while he took phone calls, did email, for over five minutes.  Finally, he just looked up and said, "Alright, I'll fix your grade and give you an A."  If I'd known that the A would only require five minutes of bitchiness, I would have tried it months earlier.  But it all ended up good-- I got a 93 (instead of a 88) in Gym for quarter four.  And, to date, I still have never gotten a B on a report card.  Yay!  I was so happy like dancing and giggling and such when I checked my grades on my computer.  And yah, I deserved that A.  I have a job at a creative arts camp.  Today was set-up for the camp, which was really hard work.  It involved carrying many tables and chairs from building to building (not fun).  After that, I went with two my friends to a cafe downtown and met with an acquaintance from 8th grades little brother, and his friend, to work on script writing and filming.  It was only an hour-long meeting, but in that period the boy was so condescending and authoritative that I found myself asking this 11 year old if I had permission to speak.  My friends were laughing their asses off at me, it was mildly embarrassing.  But, as they put he, "He totally owned you."  He really did.  He managed to make me feel like a five year old seeking approval to do a project from a student at a fancy art college, instead of a 9th grader including a 6th grader in a project.  And he actually had the nerve to tell me to shut up, explaining, "You can speak, but you can't gab.  You are gabbing.  Stop."  I mean, I generally think that I'm a person with decent intellect, but I have to be totally with it to even attempt to keep up with this boy.  It's terrifying.  Perhaps I am a glutton for public humiliation, but I agreed to another meeting, this coming Wednesday...

Birthday!

Today is my birthday.  It is quite hot out, and humid, too.  My arms are sticking to the table it's so sticky outside.  I'm tired because I stayed up very late last night, and then got up early to finish my creative writing final.  I'm really happy with the final product, but I got less than four hours of sleep, and that's not that good.  I got a lot of great gifts.  I am writing like a sixth grader right now I'm so tired, but I don't really care all that much.  James dug his nails into my hand and it still freaking hurts.  My friend Nick was super nice and he's leant me his signed copy of the new Pendragon book.  I've known him since elementary school-- he's nice.  I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional and Juno.  I want to go shopping!  I'm babysitting tonight.  My party was really fun-- even my friends that I invited that hate each other managed to be civil to each other.. But yes, I had a blast!

Some Poetry

Since I have been super busy I haven't had time to write a blog post.  That said, I'm just going to post some of my poetry I wrote for class, instead:

"Room"

Pairs of threadbare jeans sprawl on my chairs,

On my floor as though they're tanning.

Plastic trophies for pointless endeavors,

They collect dust and horde nostalgia.

Rejected pop CDs hide, unnoticed,

Gathering dust in the wooden crate in the corner.

Hillary Duff and Shakira sulk, at the bottom of the stack,

While an alternative rock mix perches at the top/

The room smells of fruity perfume--

I spilled the cheap bottle two weeks ago.

My closet door is covered with cartoons

Drawn by friends, drifted away.

An earnest letter received claims the nightstand;

Unfolded and reread many times, the pencil is faded.

Gum wrappers that crinkle, pens without ink,

Tea from yesterday-- now cold, a dropped pushpin.

The clutter is a layered timeline;

The new smothers the old, but it's all still there.

Last year's diary, a broken necklace in a drawer,

A story told by a room in disarray.

Thought Vomit

I am having blog issues.  Don't know what's going on.  Grr.

The List

I have a list of things I intend to do before I graduate.  It was first Bauer's idea at the very beginning of this year, freshman year.  I like the idea, so I stole it and made a list of my own.  One by one I'm crossing off some of the things off of my list.  Now, I'm not about to post the entire list here because it's MY list and no one has read it.  It's like my goals and stupid things I want to do, you know?  So yes, I'm crossed off some items this year.  For one, I have talked about myself in third person for an entire day (now I just have to talk in French for an entire day-- still not fluent enough to do this).  I've stayed up all night (on a school night).  I've watched movies (Bauer's birthday) for 24 hours straight (that was hard).  What haven't I done?  I haven't bought or tried on anything at A&F (I can't believe I put this on the list).  I haven't dyed my hair a CRAZY color (what color should I go with?).  I haven't started a band (kind of given up on this one).  I haven't finished knitting that tank top I've been working on since 7th grade.  I haven't done a lot of things (those are the meaningless random ones, there are actually ones with a point on there too).  I'm TRYING to learn Japanese (it's really really hard, but I'm getting there, one hiragana at a time).  One way that I'm tracking some of my goals is on www.43things.com.  That isn't my list, however.  It's more just ways that I want to live my life   (long term).  For example, getting published (a poem in Creative Kids doesn't count haha), being happy, and telling the truth are long term things.  Like, more of life goals than high school ones.  So, what's on your list?  If you make one comment with some of the items on it!   

Stupid Schools

Argh I'm in a really bad mood today.  Like, for so many reasons.  It's like lots of little stuff.  One of my friends is going to the school I transferred from.  Another is going to a boarding school.  My three other friends from middle school that go to my high school all want to go to this private school.  It seems like everyone is leaving my school.  Ironically, it was the school I went to (partially) because the majority of my friends were going there.  Now they're all like 'we want to leave because we hate this school'.  Great.  Just great.  I like it as a school.  I wish they'd realize it's not as bad as they think it is.  It's high school.  Dammit.  Not to mention the fact that I found out the results of a writing contest to be published that my friend and I had submitted to today.  Neither of us won.  I really hate rejection.  And like I just want there to be less drama.  Like my close girl friends can stand my close guy friends.  And sometimes vice versa.  Can't they all just suck it up and be civil?  I'm sick having friends going 'DON'T invite him he's so annoying' or 'DON'T invite her she's a bitch'.  Like I don't even know.  And I'm ranting.  And in the background my brother is practicing a skit really loudly.  I'm missing a sock.  My foot is thus cold.  I feel soooo meh.  Don't even ask what meh is.  I don't know.  And I was like smiling when I was walking home, right?  And this bitch that was in my class in elementary school was sitting on her front steps.  And she sees me and is like, "What are YOU smiling about?"  I almost said something along the lines of, "Because I don't have any STDS, I can smile WITHOUT blowing all my money on drugs, and I've never been arrested."  But I didn't.  I just gave her the nastiest look I could WHILE still smiling.  It was like scary clown look.  My day has gone progressively downhill.    

    

Orange Tic Tacs

I'm watching Rent on YouTube (just "La Vie Boheme" and "Take Me or Leave Me"...maybe "Light My Candle", too).  They are all such good songs...I watched Rent for the first time at a sleepover party at the beginning of the school year when I was forced to watch both Mean Girls and Rent.  I'm so glad I saw both of them (what's better than having your friends force you to go to a sleep over because they think you need to get your mind off things and then being forced to watch movies?  Haha).  On Saturday night I saw Juno and Sweeney Todd with two of my friends.  Originally we were going to just watch and go home, but we weren't done until past midnight so it became a sleepover.  I love Juno--  it's one of my favorite new movies, so cute.   My favorite part is when they sing "Anyone Else but You" at the end ("We sure are cute/for two ugly people".)   Also, I love when she gives him all the orange TicTacs in his mailbox...he opens it and they all come pouring out.  I mean, it was the weirdest and most romantic thing ever...I mean, TicTacs?  Haha.  And then we watched Sweeney Todd, which is just a really weird movie.  The singing was good, though.  I didn't like all the blood because I'm a wuss like that...nevermind that it looked super fake,  blood and gore is NOT my thing.  I've only seen two horror movies and neither was my idea to watch it...The Grudge II and Halloween.  I didn't like either (at least neither one was scary).  Sweeney Todd wasn't scary, just super sickkkk and demented.  I'm singing now along with Rent...so good!!  Only, as my friend puts it I'm the 'tone deaf queen', which I totally am.  I love music, though.  The movie Made of Honor looks halfway decent (I was just watching trailers).  It does look super cliche, but hey most romantic comedies are it's what people want-- predictable and happy.  Like ice cream.  The Visitor looks good, too.  Plus Smart People (but that's rated R so I'll just wait until it's on DVD to watch it with people-- the teens that work at Jet Video know us so they let friends and I rent the R stuff sometimes :p).  Yay for movies and music!              

Sunburns, Shopping, and Sleepiness

So, this week is vacation week.  I was in Boston from Friday to Sunday, which was really fun, especially considering I hadn't been out of state in months.  I shopped quite a bit, getting makeup at Sephora and clothes at H&M.  Then, on Sunday I went to a Red Sox game-- they won, and it was interesting to watch (though I despise football, I really like watching baseball).  Today I got a group of friends together and we hung out in Deering Oaks.  I got a really really bad sunburn.  It was one of those things where you don't realize exactly how bad and red it is until you get home (ouchhhh).  Then three people left and me and two friends went to Rosemont and one of the friends house's.  That was fun, too.  Now I'm super tired (all that walking!  haha).  I really want to see Sweeney Todd with one of my friends (maybe some other people too, who knows-- the more the merrier).  But yeah, now my mom is asking me to cut the pineapple because somehow I'm always the one stuck cutting up the obnoxiously large fruits....post more later, if I'm not too lazy.

Let's Go Fly A Kite!

So yeah today a group of like 6 friends and me went and flew kites in the sports field in back of our school.  It was sooo much fun and we got lots of weird looks.  I ended up getting a kite stuck in a tree and it wouldn't come down, but we'll get it down eventually (I hope).  We decided to start a kite flying club and actually get together and fly kites on an almost weekly basis.  Because, who doesn't like flying kites (well, lots of people, but that's BESIDE THE POINT haha)?  Well I'm basically procrastinating because I have lots of French homework to do.  I'm going to Boston on Friday until Sunday and I'm going to see a Red Sox game, so I'm pretty excited about that.  Drama is over and oddly enough I miss it...there are sooo many people I don't see outside of drama that like I don't have classes with and stuff; it's kinda sad.  It's like I WANT ANOTHER PLAY...but whatever.  I'm excited to see the King play tomorrow night; it should be pretty good.  It is sooo nice outside lately it makes me want to skip and such.  On an entirely random note I find it amusing how many people choose to have me be the sole person they unburden their trouble upon.  I'm like the secret keeper of so many people right now it's not even funny.  I mean, I'm trustworthy about stuff that matters, but it just really sunk in today when I had three different guy friends all telling me their problems and asking advice at the exact same time (and they wondered why I took such a long time to reply...haha).  Unlike Peter Pettigrew, I can actually keep secrets ;).  

Stuffff

So I haven't updated in a while.  Wow, like I always start my posts with that sentence, or some variation.  But I really have been busy.  I was looking at my blog entry from exactly a year ago and it was in the middle of performances then, too.  Only, the major difference (one of the many, I suppose) is that it's sunny, not snowing, today!  Am I honestly talking about the weather in my blog?  That's kinda sad.  Anyhoo, I've been having fun as a techie for Grease.  Oh, and yesterday I saw the new Office episode with like four of my friends at a friend's house before the show.  That was pretty fantastic.  Then, one of my friends started a talk show like commentary on my life calling for help from the 'audience' (the three other friends).  It was pretty hilarious, kinda annoying.  As odd as it is, I've been listening to lots of music by Jordin Sparks lately-- she has such a gorgeous voice.  I especially love the songs "Tattoo" and "No Air" (with Chris Brown-- he has such a sweet voice).  This led me to listen to Chris Brown music (a HUGE departure from the alternative stuff I listen to).  So, I like the song "With You" by Chris Brown, too, and I'm exploring the other music he sings, too.  My taste in music changes and expands on recommendations by friends.  That's what happened with this; I was bugged to listen to "No Air" because my friend wanted my opinion on if he could pull off singing the male part of the song.  Then, I was hooked.  I think I might have slightly offended my friend when I went, "Wow, this is actually good!" with such surprise...haha.  I haven't had coffee in ages, and I'm tired so I think I might just walk to The Udder Place or Dunkin Donuts and get some.   

100 Posts

So, this is my 100th post, so I looked through and read all of the posts up until this point.  I've really changed a lot since I first started posting, and the blog is really different, too.  Like, at first it was just going to be a blog about writing.  Then, by the time I got to the third post I was b*tching about middle school drama and blackmail.  This is all back at the beginning of February.  It's interesting reading back through things, because usually most of the posts are directed at specific people by the time I get to the end of February, and directed at specific events that I vaguely refer to.  At the beginning of March the posts get really short and are mostly all 'I'm really tired' or 'dramatic stuff is going on that I don't want to talk about'.  That is, with the exception of March 3rd, where I said that I thought math was cool :).  On March 8th I'm all *squee* about things that I actually talk about in the blog (so much for it being a writing blog).  Then it's April and the play is being performed, so I'm talking about how much fun I have backstage with people.  Then, I essentially talk about how I'm in a great mood up until March 20th, with lots of cryptic posts that are pretty hilarious.  The school year comes to an end and I freak out about going to high school and missing all of my girls friends.  All of the comments are 'it's going to be FINE', which, ironically, was wrong.   I mean, it worked out in the end, but like the school I originally went to didn't work out.  I get braces in June, and nothing happens in July.  August, I have fun and learn trig with a friend, along with pride myself in how I'm starting to worry less.  That really was a load of B.S., since I was still super uptight.  Then it's September and I decide to transfer to Deering.  I don't write for awhile, and then I post on September 25th going on in capital letters about how Deering was going 'REALLY WELL' for me (it was going ok, but I was still in the whole wow-I-wasn't-planning-on-any-of-this-stage of transferring haha).  In October most of my posts are about giving relationship advice to guy friends.  Ironically, I'm still giving the same advice to the same people (at least they listen to me a little better now...).  I didn't write in November.  In December I talk about debate, and January I talk about my laptop and fan fiction.  February and March lots of stuff was going on-- some good, some bad, some just confusing, and my posts are long and all over the place.  And now it's April.  I wonder what the next 100 posts will bring.  It was a long post, so comment, mkay?                        

Looking Back

Wow so it's gotten to the point where I've been blogging for over a year, so I took the time to look back at some of the posts from a year ago.  I looked at the entries that were closest to today's date, a year ago, and found one on April 5th that made me laugh a bit.  It was a list of things I was thankful for and what made me happy-- it was interesting to see what mattered to me then, what was the same, and what was radically different.  So, I think it's time to do a similar kind of list, just for fun.  Here it goes, things that make me happy/that I'm thankful for:

1.  My family and my friends (love them all)

2.  Drama (play, not high school shit)  

3.  Music (=my life)

4.  High school (for being halfway decent)

5.  Playing stylist for friends (SO FUN!  Seriously, I love it...)

6.  Inside jokes (I'm riding the purple jellyfish, and Bob's fish, I can build a coffin in a day, sex is survival...)

7.  Sleep (It can be in short supply sometimes)

8.  Strawberry-kiwi lipgloss (Practically impossible to be moody when you're wearing the stuff)

9.  IMing people until LATE on school nights (Interesting conversations always result)

10.  Role playing (Sometime more interesting than real life-- certainly better than doing homework)

11.  Writing (whatever)

12.  Singing loudly when no one can hear

13.  Sweatpants and those David and Goliath cotton pants (so comfortable)

14.  Fan fiction (Dramione all the way...so fluffy to read)

15.  People who trust you with their deepest secrets

16.  People you can trust with your deepest secrets

17.  Falling asleep on someone's shoulder (on friends on bus rides and such)

18.  Second chances and forgiveness

19.  Fuzzy socks

20.  The people that nod and smile even if you're telling them the same story for the fifth time in a row (or 11th)

21.  Friends you can fangirl over people with

22.  Random txt messages from friends in the middle of boring class sending you their horoscope for the day and then spending the rest of the class trying to figure out what it means

23.  Laughing, giggling, and spinning

24.  People that know you well enough that they can predict exactly what you're thinking about over AIM, and what you're doing (slightly weird, still cool)  

25.  Changing significantly over the period. of a year (who wants to stay the same forever, anyways?

26.  Mint gum

27.  Getting paid to do things that you actually enjoy (like working at an arts camp)

28.  Listening to the same song over and over and over and over again

29.  Playing dress up (for plays, just randomly, or because of friends)

30.  Lists of random things that no one reads anyways.

Film, and Stuff

So, I took a script writing class and today we shot two scripts.  One was mine so it was really cool to see people act it out.  There was professional equipment and a pair of professional actors so it was like insane.  My friend is in Arizona and it's 89 degrees there.  It snowed this morning.  I am jealous.  I had two short days that I spent hanging out with friends (playing Guitar Hero and riding balloons and doing random things like that) and teching.  My friend is bugging me about things on AIM and taking unfair advantage because he knows I'm tired and will tell him things that I wouldn't say if I was awake.  So, I think I'll sign off-- the three hour time difference is making me be stupid.  Remind me to not IM people at midnight.   

Confused

So, I haven't updated in a while.  But like lots of stuff is going on that I'm just not going to go into detail about.  There's been just the random stupid stuff, like having to run three miles in gym (not fun).  And then I'm just confused about other stuff-- like I said that high school stuff was much more interesting than middle school stuff, but it's also way less straightforward.  Like, even when things are simple when it meets the eye, they usually aren't.  And sometimes single isn't really single.  Even worse, if you're plagued with the shadow of 'just my close girl friend' you're totally screwed over.  Like, sometimes people are so dense that not only will they never see you as anything different, but they also burden you with all of their relationship problems.  And, either you can be a bitch when they ask your opinion about girls they like and be like 'no she's a bitch that doesn't like you- she's just leading you on' or you can give actual advice so that they go and get with someone else.  It's confusing-- what's the right thing to do, really?  And then it seems like all of my friends are shadowing or going to special schools in the middle of nowhere.  They need to do what's best for them, but really, I hate being deserted.  Even better, one of my guy friends has taken to going, 'you don't understand' to me whenever I comment on his un-relationship woes, and the stupid parties he goes to.  Well, I understand that the parties he goes to are a big deal ('you have to go or you aren't invited again'), but I also understand that like all that anyone does at the parties is get drunk and act stupid.  So he complains about the people at the parties, but then gets all mad whenever I ask him why he bothers to go.  And then, when he talks about how he has un-relationship problems and stuff he has the gall to tell me that 'I don't understand what it's like'.  Okay, now this really pisses me off, he assumes he knows me well enough to say 'you've never had a problem getting over someone, this is so complicated you don't get it'.  It's like, times like this I just want to turn around and be, "FUCK YOU", but I'm not that kind of girl, you know? Even worse, I've blown up at so many people for silly things that don't matter.  Why do I have to be such a bitch?  Comment.  It was a long bitchfest, I know.     

Me In a Word

Today I got in a disagreement with a friend, James.  He said that I was a neek (combination of nerd and geek).  I told him that I wasn't.  So I checked with a girl friend of mine, who added that I was a neek, only I was emo as well, so I was really neekmo.  Then I checked with another guy friend (I'll call him..hmm....I'll call him David).  I asked him to give me a one word label, so he said, "smart or crazy or entertaining. "  I explained that they weren't labels, and he had to choose one, but he just responded with, "Just choose one, then."  So, adding his words to defining me, I'm neekmoartzyning.  What's your word?  Comment and let me know!  

Why do I do this, again?

Today was the first performance of the one act.  With the exception of someone forgetting their lines (not me or any of my friends, thank goodness), it went well.  The audience really liked me.  This is so much different from when I was a narrator.  Because, no one really likes or dislikes narrators...they're just...there, you know?  So, it was a nice change.  I guess all the girl lessons from my guy friends paid off.  My guy friend at one point actually went, "You aren't working your boobs and hips enough, you need to work your walk like THIS," and then proceeded to strut his stuff.  Between changing in the same back hall as a guy friend (long story that ended in someone mistaking the entire situation, thinking it was something very...unseemly...that it wasn't), same guy friend commenting on how he could tell if I was cold or not by looking at specific body part-- it's a disadvantage to the leotard (the pervert), a different guy friend commenting on how he'd make a good drag queen, being tickled and poked by all three of them, and other things...it's been a weird play.  But, I'm glad I did it.  It certainly is an interesting experience.  Comment, please!

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Sometimes it seems like life gets into too much of a pattern, like, when you can say without a doubt what you'll be doing at any given time in the next 1, 2, even three weeks.  That's when thing get boring and tedious.  I usually find this at least a couple times a year, and when I do I try to do something-- anything, to break the monotony.  If I have money to burn,  go out an get a crazy outfit and some insanely bright makeup.  If I don't have money I do something else...throw a party, tell a secret, change an aspect of my personality (not huge, just like loosening up a bit around certain people or whatever).  Whatever I can do so that things aren't same old, same old.  What do you do?  (I've already done the things listed above wayy to much, and life is getting terribly monotonous in some ways.)  Comment and tell me!  

A Rant and Some Observations

I love my creative writing class this semester, mostly because I'd never write anything otherwise.  Only, on Wednesday we got assigned seats.  Normally, I wouldn't mind this, but my new seat is surrounded completely (guy to my left, guy to my right, guy in front of me) of people who smell quite pungently of marijuana.  I really, really dislike the smell, and it's so hard to concentrate.  My mom suggested I ask to move seats, but how do I even do that?  I mean, going up and saying, "Excuse me, but can I change seats?  The area in the back of the room reeks of weed."  I don't think that would go over well.  Since that class, the smell hasn't been THAT bad, but I still don't like it.  I guess I'll just suck it up, I guess.

On a different note, I was just noticing all the differences from middle school and high school.  Probably the most noticeable is the differences in the way relationships work.  Like, back in middle school it was just like someone saying 'Um, well, I was wondering if you'd go out with, like, me, if y'know, you want to...', but in high school it's so different.  Like, in high school you can sit on your guy friends lap if there isn't a comfortable chair in after school activities.  While in middle school this is totally taboo, in high school not only is it perfectly acceptable by the teachers, but it also doesn't involve having a relationship with the person at all.  The longer I'm in high school, the more I like it...so much more fun ^.^  

The last thing I have to say is that I'm getting better at playing my role in the one act (girly, bitchy, and slutty/flirty).  Now that I'm getting the hang of it, it's a really fun role to play.  No wonder the girly girls always seem so happy.   I don't think I could act like that in real life for any extended period of time.  I mean, sometimes I'm girly, and more than often I can be bitchy, and I am occasionally flirty (not slutty though), but I could never be all three all the time.  It would be exhausting!  How do the girls do it?

Anyhoo, if you read what I write on here comment, please!  

Wannabe...who?

I watched American Idol after babysitting while doing my homework, and I laughed to myself about the judge's comments.  They kept telling contestant after contestant to 'be themselves like they were at auditions'.  There are so many things wrong with this statement.  First of all, I doubt anyone was 'themselves' trying out for American Idol, they were just trying to make the cut.  I don't know if I could handle that criticism.  What happens when you finally let down a facade and act the way you want to act, only to be told that it seems 'all fake', when it's really the real you?  I'm not just talking about on the show either.  Like, when someone is called a 'wannabe', but all they really want to be is themselves.  Can they ever succeed as themselves?  What if they can't?  Should they lie, agree that they were posing, and go back to the facade.  Or should they be a real 'poser'.  And if you're called a 'wannabe' when you aren't trying to be anyone...how can you be a want to be when you only want to be yourself?  Do I make no sense?  Am I rambling?  Yes, I am.  I've had a long day, and it's almost midnight when I'm writing this, so nothing coherent will come of this.  Just ramblings.  

On a less poetic, rambling note there is one good thing I am looking forward to this week.  One of my guy friends wants to try out a different hairstyle and is going to let me style it.  It's a stupid thing to be happy about, but like the hairstyle he wants is going to be REALLY fun to do and will look way better than his current haircut.  I just hope I can make it look the way we want it to look-- like spiked and messy.  I've never straightened hair other than my own, and none as short as his, so that should be interesting, too.  Straighteners and gel, yay!

Very Short Story (not very good, either)

I wrote a short story for Valentine's Day a couple of weeks ago, and I decided to post it here.  It's a bit on the whiny side and hasn't been edited at all.  Also, I don't dislike Valentine's Day the way my character does (candy and happy friends= yay).  That being said, here it goes:

It was February tenth, and she was sitting in her room, wallowing in the general mood that the time of year brought.  A "ding" from her computer indicated an IM had been sent to her.  She rotated in her chair and looked at it.  It was one of her guy friends, angrily asking her, "Do you have any idea how upset you made him?"

She sighed heavily and then tried to explain how she hadn't meant to hurt him.  After a long-winded justification he replied curtly, "Whatever."   She turned her computer, jabbing the power button harshly with her finger.  Everyone had been blaming her since the night before.

It was something about Valentine's Day; she mused, "a sugar coated ad campaign for diamonds and confidence that left everyone in a crazed mood in which they professed love and just tried to find someone, anyone."  After years of witnessing the phenomena, she had concluded that it was not a happy holiday.  Every year, she watched people get hurt trying to find happiness.  In the past, her strategy had always been to strategically avoid the boys that might ask her out, given the chance.  She didn't know why she stuck with the strategy, it never worked.  So, he had asked her out, hesitantly, nervous.  The silence between them was awful, so it was almost a relief when she finally spoke, "I'm sorry," it was all she said.

He looked at her, "That isn't going to change?"

This time she couldn't endure the suffocating silence so she just answered immediately this time, "No."  He turned, "I have to go," he said, not offering an excuse.

"Bye," she said, mostly to herself, "Sorry."

So yeah, that's my little angsty piece that I wrote on Valentine's.  I usually don't indulge in angst like this, but it was kind of fun.  Constructive criticism is welcome!    

I should be...

...sleeping, but it's supposed to be a snow day.  My costume for the one act is definitely the most dramatic out of all of them.  It certainly evokes more reactions than any other costume I've had to wear.  It's a shiny gold leotard with no back and a VERY low cut front.  Luckily, the director agreed to sew extra fabric in the front so that it was slightly more modest (thank goodness- I felt so slutty otherwise).  So, yeah, on top of that I have to wear a golden curly wig and some pretty amazing whore-gold-gloves (they are like entire arm gloves).  So, either people love it ('best costume in the whole play'), think it's hilarious (which it sort of it), or go 'it makes you look like a...whore/dancer in Vegas/etc'.  Oh well-- I suppose drama is supposed to be dramatic... 

So much...

...To get done.  My room is messy beyond belief, I have loads of homework to do, I want to get a haircut, I need to write, and what am I doing?  Blogging.  Pathetic, absolutely pathetic.

Shamefully...

...I read Draco/Hermione (better known as Dramione) fan fiction instead of studying for finals...all day long.  It's not my fault.  Seriously.  There's this really good piece of writing (novel length) called Draco: Phoenix Rising.  It's freaking addictive.  Back to reading... 

Tired

I am really tired.  Like I actually used my laptop and did my homework in my bed because I was so tired.  It may have had something to do with reading Draco/Hermione fanfiction last night, but I didn't stay up that late (I was asleep by 11:30).  But I just feel exhausted.  And I don't really even have an excuse for it, either, since I had a snow day yesterday.  If I was evenly mildly coherent I'd write something interesting, but I'm not, so yeah.

I Hate It When...

...my computer freezes up.  It happened just a couple of minutes ago, and, let me tell you, it freaked me right out of my mind.  I was just trying to eject my flash drive (is that what's it's called?).  Anyways, I tried to eject it, but it wouldn't.  So, I just, being the tech-savvy person I am, yanked it out.  Then, to my dismay, I found that the little thingy showing that the flash drive was in the computer was still on my desktop.  I figured, 'well, that's not that bad, I just have to shut the computer down'...but then I realized I couldn't move my mouse.  So, I close the computer, and, doing what I learned in middle school (never do anything you learned in middle school regarding laptop- whatever you learned is wrong).  So, then, I unceremoniously fiddled with the battery for a good three minutes until I figured how it went back in the computer.  Thus accomplished, I turned the computer on...but the color wheel of death was STILL spinning and my computer was STILL frozen.  So.  I freaked.  And I went downstairs and practically dragged my dad up to my room to help me.  He held down on the off button until it shut down.  Waited.  And turned it on again.  It was back to normal.  Now, this only begs the question: how come my dad who has never used a Mac in his life was able to fix my computer when I couldn't?  I guess I shouldn't ever apply for a job trouble shooting computer problems on Best Buy's Geek Squad.

MACBOOK!

That's right, bitches, I got a laptop.  It's amazing.  Like, totally flipping fabulous.  I keep getting distracted looking at all of its really nice features instead of working on an essay like I should be doing.  Ah, well, that's too bad.  I went 4-0 at the debate meet yesterday, which was really nice since I essentially wrote my cases the night beforehand.  There's this really nice free program called Adium for Mac, where you can be signed into all of your instant messaging accounts and totally customize it.  And, the word processing program Bean (also a free download) is really nice, too.  It's as nice at AppleWorks (I can't believe Macs don't come with AppleWorks anymore...what is the world coming to?).  If you're reading this COMMENT so that I know someone is reading it.  If no one is reading it, that's okay, too, because it's just nice to rant here, even if no one ever reads it.  Right now I'm listening to "The Sound of Settling" by Death Cab For Cutie.  It's a good song.  At some point I'll need to set up my printer...ah well...